How to write an obituary: a step-by-step guide

Writing an obituary for someone you love is both an act of tribute and a practical task with real logistics attached. You are not expected to produce literary perfection in the days after a loss. The goal is simply to honor a life — accurately, warmly, and in the person's own spirit.

What to include in an obituary

A well-written obituary typically covers:

• Full name (including maiden name or nickname the person was known by)
• Age and date of birth
• Date and place of death
• Place of birth and hometown
• A brief life narrative: Where they grew up, their education, career, military service, or other defining chapters of their life
• Their passions and character: What they cared about, what they were known for, what made them distinctly themselves
• Survivors: The names of immediate family members who survive them (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings)
• Those who preceded them in death: Parents, siblings, or children who died before them, if you wish to include this
• Service information: Date, time, and location of any funeral or memorial service, if applicable and public
• Memorial donations: If the family prefers charitable donations in lieu of flowers, name the organization

Not every obituary includes all of these elements. Let the person's life guide what belongs.

Choosing the right length

Most newspaper obituaries run 150 to 250 words in print — longer tributes cost more per line. Online obituaries, whether on a funeral home website or memorial platform, can be as long as you wish.

If you are submitting to a newspaper, confirm the publication's word limit and per-word pricing before writing. Many families write a longer version for the memorial service or online, and a condensed version for print.

How to open an obituary

The opening line sets the tone. Avoid clichés like "passed peacefully" or "went to be with the Lord" unless those phrases genuinely reflect the person and family. Instead, try to start with something specific and true.

Examples:

• "Margaret Chen, who spent 40 years teaching third grade in Cincinnati, died on April 5, 2026. She was 78."
• "Robert Delgado — machinist, devoted father, and the best cook at any table he sat down to — died at home surrounded by family on April 3, 2026."
• "James Watkins Sr. lived his entire life in the same two-block radius of the Ninth Ward of New Orleans. He died on April 6, 2026, at 91."

A specific, honest opening is more memorable and more honoring than a generic one.

Capturing a life in words

The middle of the obituary is where the person comes alive on the page. Some approaches that work:

• Tell one or two concrete stories rather than a list of attributes
• Use the language and rhythms the person actually spoke in, where possible
• Include details — specific places, years, relationships — rather than generalities
• Let humor appear naturally if that is who the person was
• Mention lesser-known aspects of their life that the family wants remembered

If writing feels difficult, try answering these questions first: What will this person be remembered for? What would they want people to know? What would make their closest friends smile when they read it?

Listing survivors and predecessors

The survivors section is usually written in a specific order:

• Spouse or partner
• Children (with their spouses or partners)
• Grandchildren
• Great-grandchildren
• Siblings
• Other close family members

You can be as specific or as general as the family prefers. Some families list only names; others add a line of description. Both approaches are common.

"[Name] is survived by their spouse, [name]; their three children, [names]; and seven grandchildren."

Practical logistics

Before finalizing:

• Confirm the spelling of all names — of the deceased, survivors, and any organizations mentioned
• Verify dates — birth date, death date, and service date
• Check with the funeral home — many funeral homes submit obituaries on your behalf and have templates or requirements
• Confirm the submission deadline if publishing in a newspaper — print editions often require copy 24–48 hours in advance
• Take a photo — most publications and memorial platforms allow a photo; choose one that reflects the person

Note: Publication policies, pricing, and lead times vary by newspaper and region. Some local papers provide a free basic notice; others charge by word or column inch. Contact the paper's obituary or classified department for their current process.

What Passings Can Help With

Passings includes an AI-assisted obituary writer that helps you capture a life in words — walking you through guided questions and generating a draft you can review and personalize. It is built for people who want help finding the words, not a template that sounds like everyone else.

This article provides general information and is not legal, financial, or medical advice. Regulations and procedures vary by state.

Disclaimer — For informational purposes only

This article is compiled from publicly available resources and is provided solely for general informational purposes. It does not constitute and should not be relied upon as legal, financial, tax, insurance, medical, psychological, or other professional advice. Passings is a planning and organizational platform, not a licensed advisory service, and no attorney-client, financial advisor-client, or other professional relationship is created by reading this content.

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